Once the conversation ended the rest of the day went as normally as a day can go after something like that. He consoled me and promised me I wouldn't have to go to therapy and that everything would be okay if I just let go of all those thoughts. He suggested I should go into therapy, which caused me to have an emotional sobbing meltdown. He stressed that he was upset not because I might be gay, but because I was making the moves on my father.
When I came home it was sitting on our dining room table, and my Dad was sitting in the quiet living room (no TV or anything) in his chair, just staring at the ceiling. He found the Nifty story I had printed instead. When I came home from school I found out that he had rummaged through my room looking for my journal to, I assume, try and get inside of my head. He basically ignored me and I didn't push it. I went to school without us talking about it or anything else. The next morning was a school day for me, but not a work day for him. I ran into my room, where I slept in my own bed, alone, for the first time in my whole life. He stood there facing the wall, breathing really heavily, and told me to go to bed without even turning around. He woke up almost immediately, and went into the worst rage I've ever seen him in. I should have been satisfied that I got to see it without him waking up, but being an especially horny pubescent 13 year old who had never done anything sexual before, my curiosity overtook my self-preservation instincts and I put it in my mouth. Just enough to pull him out over the top without having to actually remove his jeans.
Long story short, after several failed attempts to sneak a peek, one night I eventually did get him free of his jeans.
I printed this particular story out (at the public library no less - risky risky!) and hid it in my bedroom closet, and I would often read it when I masturbated. It involved a boy building up the courage to "investigate" his father's nethers while he slept on a semi-regular basis for many years, without his father ever waking up or learning what was going on. One story in particular became my favorite. It wasn't until I had been reading them for several months before I had started taking more of a notice of my own father, and began to appreciate him as a man more than as a Dad. It was more the idea of this Phantom Father, not my own father, that most interested me. I had no real attraction to my Dad prior to reading these stories, and didn't initially feel an attraction to him when I first started reading them.
He never remarried and never even dated, or showed any interest in doing so.Īround the age of 11 or 12 I discovered the Nifty Erotic Story Archive and found myself especially fixated on the incest stories. My parents divorced when I was very young and I was raised by a single father. My Dad has always identified as heterosexual. EDIT: Edited down a bit, hopefully an easier read now.Ī little background: I was gay for as long as I can remember, well before anything started with my Dad.